Never Let Me Go
by DanaDanoushka
Summary: One-Shot set right after Amelia's meltdown in 11x22. Just an attempt to process her heartbreaking collapse.


**A/N: Hey everybody. I am a huuuuge Amelia fan so I couldn't stop thinking about all her scenes in the 2-hour episode. First of all, I can't describe how much I admire Caterina's acting skills. I was slightly afraid of her and cried for and actually felt all of Amelia's pain. It's really hard to explain :)**

 **Anyway, I kept thinking about what might happen after she collapses and came up with this one-shot. It was the middle of the night and I had just watched the ep for the 1321st time. I actually cried like a baby writing this. Feel warned.  
**

 **Just one more thing: I have never been really fond of Owen but I kinda like that at least somebody cares about Amelia. Although I must say I was a bit disappointed that if she hadn't spoken up about that bag of Oxy he would have just walked off and she would have killed herself with those drugs. Just saying.**

 **Disclaimer: No, I don't own any of the mentioned characters...yet.**

 **Please "enjoy" and leave a small review!**

 **-Dana**

* * *

 **Never Let Me Go**

They were still sitting on the floor next to that big, empty house, her holding on to his jacket for dear life. Welled up emotions from the past 9 months came

rushing through her body all at once. She was sobbing harder than ever before, him soothingly whispering in her ear, kissing her cheek, and trying to help

although he couldn't. She was feeling every single loss she had ever experienced all in this one moment. Her dad. Michelle. Ryan. Her baby. Mark. And Derek.

She had wanted to escape so badly and almost given in. She had been so close to taking those pills. It had taken everything in her to speak up and tell Owen

about that bag of oxy because if she hadn't…she would have destroyed herself. She was convinced another relapse would kill her. And part of that thought was

actually nice, even appealing. She would get to see her loved ones again. But the point was, there were things worth living. Her mother. Her sisters. Addison.

Sheldon. Charlotte. And Owen.

Owen had saved her life, saved her from the drugs, for the moment at least, but he could do nothing against the pain. This overwhelming and intense pain. Her

whole body shook while she was sobbing. No sound came out of her mouth except for gasps when she tried to breathe. She could only try not to suffocate right

here, not to drown in her own waves of misery.

Derek was gone. Her big brother was gone forever and would never return. She would never hug him again, or yell at him, or see his cocky smile because of

some crappy doctors. Because of some truck. Because of some ringing phone. Because of one damn flight to DC! He had been her rock, the one thing in this

world she could count on. The only reason she had made it past the age of 5. The only reason she wasn't already dead. She owed him everything. And she loved

him so, so much. But she never even told him all of that. Instead, they had spent most of the time fighting.

Now, she would give anything to have one last conversation with him, one last chance to hug him and say goodbye. Hell, she would switch places with him

immediately so that he could live. It was not fair. Nothing was. Her whole body hurt. She wanted to scream, to yell at the universe again, to punch somebody or

just to run. Run and never look back. But she couldn't. No escape.

Slowly, after what felt like hours, she stopped sobbing and just silently held onto Owen, eyes shut close. They just couldn't let go of one another. She still

shivered like hell, partly because of her messed up emotions and drained body and partly because it was actually pretty cold out here in January. Opening her

eyes a bit, she could see her breath in the cold winter night. Her heart was still racing. Thoughts about Derek kept repeating in her head but she couldn't control

it. He was dead. Derek was really dead. She felt powerless.

Owen noticed the cold as well and rubbed her shoulder with his hand to make her a little bit warmer but it barely helped. After another eternity had passed,

he finally decided it was time to get up. He leaned back a bit and gently unclasped her hands from his back. Her fingers were cold as ice and looking at her

exhausted face, he saw her quivering blue lips. Her eyes were wide open and intensely looking at him, the fear that he might leave her written all over them. He

shifted in her embrace and slowly stood, carefully pulling her small body with him, holding her steady and close to his own body. She had no strength left, so he

had to half-carry her to the door, while her arms were wrapped around his torso again. Her head was leaning against his arm. Neither said a word.

The door was open, so he wasted no time and got them inside. Warmth greeted them immediately and she quietly sighed. She had managed to live in this

house for the past months all alone. No Meredith. No kids. No Derek. Only painful memories. That's why she had spent so many nights in uncomfortable on-call

room beds or her office. To escape these memories. To avoid the emptiness of this house and the constant reminders of her loss.

"P-please stay." Her hoarse voice was shaking. But the fear of being alone was so obvious, he just squeezed her arm reassuringly and started walking to the

bedroom with her. They finally arrived at the door and entered, him turning on the light. She realized he had never been here before. Her room was not as big

as Meredith's and Derek's but it was nice and comfy. She tried not to look at the pictures on her nightstand and walls. Her 12-year-old self with a birthday hat

on, teenage Derek grinning by her side and her mother and sisters all around her. Another frame showed her and Michelle at a college party, smiling at the

camera. A group picture of her friends in LA at Addison's birthday last year. An old picture of young Derek and Mark, brotherly and proud standing next to their

first fishing boat. She was also painfully aware that in the drawer was her most precious treasure. Her father's watch. She still hadn't given it back to her

mother. She couldn't. She had even thought about giving it to Derek on the day of his funeral so that he always had a reminder of her and their dad. But she

hadn't been able to do it.

Owen ripped her out of her dark thoughts again as he walked her to the bed. He carefully sat her down on the edge and knelt in front of her, concern

written all over his face. He took her shoes off and tossed them aside. Then he got up, grabbed her jacket and pulled that off, too. He looked at her again,

apparently debating whether or not she wanted him to continue undressing her. But she looked so exhausted that he wasn't sure how she could even sit up

straight on her own. So he went to her closet and searched for something comfortable and warm to wear. He came back to her with sweatpants and a large

hoodie. He realised he had seen it before. It was Derek's.

Owen gently undressed her and put on the new clothes. Her skin was still freezing cold and pale. When he was satisfied with his work, he carefully helped her

settle in and pull the sheets over her small frame.

She was lying on her side, staring into space while her thoughts were spinning in her head. She felt like crying again but there were simply no tears left to spill.

She tried to concentrate on the fact that Owen was currently pulling off his uniform. She felt his eyes on her still shaking form. He was so caring and sweet. She

quietly sighed.

After a few seconds, she heard him walking away to turn the lights off and then walk back to the bed. He lay down on the other side and shifted until he was

right behind her. His warm arms found their way around her waist, snuggling closer to her. She wasn't shivering anymore.

"Thank you, Owen." She shifted in his arms to face him. She couldn't actually see him though because it was too dark. But her palm found his cheek and she

wrapped her other arm around his neck again, resting her head on his chest. She needed to hear his heartbeat, to know that he was alive. That he would not

leave her like everybody else.

"I don't know if I'm gonna make it through this." Her thoughts drifted back to the bag of drugs that was still somewhere on the porch. So close, so easy to get.

"I know you can do it. I'll be there to help you." He whispered in her ear. A single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. Nobody had been there for

her in the past months. Her mom and Addison had eventually stopped calling. Meredith had left her all alone as well. Not that she really wanted to see her.

Because she was the reason she hadn't been able to say goodbye to him. Because she would see her own pain reflected in Meredith's eyes. Richard had tried to

check on her but she had shut him out, yelled at him for caring.

Part of her wasn't even sure if letting Owen in was the right choice. Part of her wanted to shut him out again. Because he might leave, too. Or she could drag

him down with her. Because being loved by her has never meant anything good for others. But she had told him about those drugs. She had cried for help

because she would be high right now if he hadn't been there. She wouldn't feel anything right now. No pain, no misery, no heartbreak.

There was no way she was going to sleep anytime soon. The image of her brother haunted her. He had appeared in her worst dreams in the past year. Along

with her dad and everyone else. She had seen them leave over and over again.

But after a few minutes her body betrayed her. She was emotionally and physically too wrecked to stay awake. As she drifted off into a restless sleep, feeling

Owen's comforting presence all around her, her last thought was "I could have saved him. Why did he have to go?"


End file.
